How to feel sexy during the Christmas rush

For many, Christmas is not a sexy time. It’s too often filled with seemingly endless amounts of cooking and cleaning before the inlaws arrive, while desperately trying to find enough activities to keep the kids entertained. However, with some intentionality, you can ensure that your sex life flourishes without it feeling like just another chore to add to your lengthy to-do list.

This is where tools like the 6-second kiss come in. This was coined by renowned therapist John Gottman, who discovered that swapping out a thoughtless peck for a deliberate six-second pash has significant benefits. While it may seem overly simplistic, this loving ritual boosts oxytocin and feelings of connection and trust, overall strengthening your relationship.

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, committing to daily kisses of this nature is an achievable way of nourishing your relationship when all you have is a few seconds to spare. This reinforced connection along with the anticipation that can be built through a lengthy kiss can then support you in feeling more eager to jump into bed together when you have more time on your hands.

To ensure that you do actually advance things into the bedroom, instead of prioritising the dishes that need to be done, scheduling sex is another great tool to bring in at this time of year.

There can be some initial concern that this approach could feel clinical or a fear that it will take the spontaneity out of sex. However, if you’re not spontaneously tearing your partner's clothes off at the moment anyway, this tactic ensures that sexual intimacy is being prioritised within your relationship. And there are ways to ensure that this remains sexy and exciting.

Decide together on a time when you can create a non-negotiable intimacy date that is prioritised above any other commitments that may arise. You might like to send a flirty Google Calendar invite or handwrite an invitation that includes a list of what your partner should wear (or not wear) as ways to make scheduling sex feel more light-hearted.

This approach allows you to intentionally build your pleasure throughout the day in preparation for your time together. For example, it may prompt you to slow down and notice sources of joy that otherwise go unnoticed, like the pleasure of holding a warm cup of coffee in your hand. Simple acts of mindfulness like this support you in turning your whole day into one big foreplay experience.

Knowing when you’re planning to get frisky also gives you the opportunity to engage in some steamy teasing, perhaps indulging your partner with a cheeky butt grab as you walk past or sending some naughty texts about what you have in store for them later.

Finally, it’s essential to understand the impact of the often-inevitable stress of the silly season on your sex life.

For the majority of people, stress drastically reduces their interest in sex. And unfortunately, while Christmas is intended to be a relaxing holiday, there’s often a lot of concern around budgeting, family conflicts and busy schedules.

While many of these sources of stress are unavoidable, what you can do is learn to process the stress more effectively. One of the best ways to do this is by ensuring that you’re exercising frequently. Taking the kids for a walk up to the park or the dog for a play at the beach in a moment of stress stimulates the production of endorphins and results in a greater state of relaxation that will benefit your arousal levels.

*First published on Stuff.co.nz